10 Bizarre Narc Red Flags that Seems Futile Everyday Drill but Aren’t
How many of these is your Narc guilty of doing consistently?
If you think living with a covert narcissist is difficult, think again. One of the cunning species in the NPD header, a covert narc will flaunt their vulnerability in front of you and execute each slaying move, all the time charming you with their shyness. Leveling up from the grandiose sibling species, covert narcs are way better at disguising themselves as troubled, introverted, and socially awkward sheep.
When I first met my ex-narc husband, he wore the traditional good-boy image — a shy, silent, and well-behaved guy who wasn’t comfortable fooling around a woman because he respected them (at least that’s how he treated his mom).
Eventually, he came as an incredible shock when his mask shed off after marriage (though the red flags were still there while the marriage preparation was going on that I ignored clumsily) and he started misbehaving, devaluing, disrespecting, and gaslighting from the very wedding night.
He was everything that a grandiose narc boasts of, but only inside his home (Or better say the bedroom). He was an arrogant, greedy, self-absorbed, compulsive liar, a control freak, and a sadist who imagined himself as God (or even above him) and everyone else to be his possessions (his wife as the most submissive and unimportant one). And, the worst part was that all this cruelness was covered in a film of childishness, lack of confidence, and I-am-a -slow-learner attitude.
However, most of us who are aware of covert narcissism know these elementary signs. If not, browse the internet or talk to a therapist. All will tell you the same things.
Yet, co-living with a covert narc exposes you to plenty of things that no researchers or therapist will ever tell you about. Why? Either the things are too trivial or happen only with the spouse away from other's sight. However, they do uncover the narc in your life in more ways than one can imagine.
1. Shaming
We all do shame others at some point in our lives and most of the time to hide our jealousy or incapability. However, for a narc shaming is a practice they engage in every single moment of their life. They envy everyone living on this planet (including their family, friends, and themselves), and shaming others is a way to console their low self-esteem and fear. If you are a spouse, be ready to be taunted, insulted, and ridiculed for anything and everything you say, do, or think. However, every time the envy might not be on you. It might be a colleague, a friend, sibling, neighbor, or someone they randomly met on the street, bus, or club. But they know it’s easier to remove their mask and feel at ease within closed doors of your bedroom than in the open.
2. Walking Alone With You
Loneliness is a constant companion when you are with a narc, including when you walk with them. My ex-narc never talked or looked at me while on the street. It was almost like he was another stranger on the road. And, when I talked with someone, he would be away from us and pose ignorance if I called him. It was as if he wasn’t related to me.
A huge red flag but again I ignored it. (Never do it).
You will never find them walking with you or holding your hands on the road. They constantly walk ahead of you, at a pace higher than, cross the road before you, ignore your presence completely when talking to someone or taking a call, and never wait for you to lace your shoes or take your bag. They always seem in a hurry and if not all, absorbed in their own thoughts.
If you have witnessed any one of such behavior know that it gives them a sense of superiority and contentment knowing that you are following them. Besides, it is also their way so no one comes to know they are engaged or married. It helps them find additional supplies or approach others for infidelity.
3. Always Pretend to be Busy on the Phone
Phone addiction is a thing and Narcs are addictive fellows. My narc was not addicted to drugs, alcohol, weed, or smoke, but there were a lot of things he was addicted to. Such as his phone. He cared for his phone more than anything or anyone else (even more than his own self). Social media, videos, informative blogs, tech blogs, WhatsApp, or porn, you name it and he is addicted to it. The time he spent with me was actually him glued to his phone and I desperately wanted him to talk to me. It never happened. I wonder how he always got bored with everything else but not his smartphone?
4. Trusting Outsiders more than Family
Honestly, narcs don’t trust anyone. But to make you feel more miserable they will put up this show where you will constantly feel that they trust everyone on this earth but you. Or, they trust the opinions that will benefit them without taking responsibility for the thought. It’s a tactic to demean and devalue you, make you feel humiliated, miserable, and worthless. And, not to mention, you will feel all of these emotions at the highest level. Again, giving a winning point to them.
5. Naïve
Narcs and Naïve? Well, they are disillusioned people and ideally possess a mental age of five- or six-years kids. So, in their eyes white is white and black is black. Everything else in between is blank for them and they don’t care to know or learn. You will find them unaware of the basic human etiquettes and life complexities and if you ask them why they will tell you that no one has ever taught them these. Moreover, since they are devoid of a sense of emotional attachment, it is even more difficult to express your pain, anger, helplessness, or unhappiness in front of them. They will not acknowledge your feelings but use them to torment you in every possible way.
6. Lack of memory
Forgetfulness is Narc’s biggest alibi to ignore accountability. They pretend to forget everything that threatens to expose their true self. Don’t fall for that trick. Rather use their trick to save yourself when they put you into difficult scenarios because they will remember the tiny bits of everything that will make you helpless.
7. Attachment with Things They Give
Narcs never gift anything and if they do, they keep a strong attachment to those things. They are too materialistic people and can’t bear the fact that they don’t have control over the things they spent money on. So, they always gift you something that they want for themselves and ignore whether you like it or not. Plus, they will constantly control the way you accept or use the gift and keep reminding you of their gift repeatedly for the rest of your life.
8. They don’t have Hobbies
Though I am not sure if it is a common trend, the narcs I encountered in my life didn’t practice any hobby or passion. Narcs are restless people and get bored easily. If they are doing something consistently then that means they are getting something out of it. It could be money, reputation, identity, narcissistic feed, and something that keeps their façade. They don’t understand pleasure and thus, are often disappointed when they don’t get the expected results. Besides, most of their life goes into hiding their real self, controlling their distorted thinking, maintaining their good-human mask, and envying others.
9. Loves to Role Play in their Daily Lives
Role-playing in bed is a pretty common fascination. But when you are with a narc, role play continues each and every moment of their life. You will find them behaving like a movie character, artist, or a role they aspire but can’t achieve. I often heard my narc ex-husband mimicking scenes in the shower — shooting his enemies, hosting a show, giving a speech, controlling his team, or fighting like the hero of the film he is directing in his head. But again, one role doesn’t last long. They will soon be bored and start imitating another.
10. Considering Parents to be their Partner
Though I am not sure if it is a trait but my ex-narc husband considered his mom his wife and his narcissistic mom too behaved like his wife. They would change in front of each other, wear similar color clothes, discuss their private parts with each other, talk about sex, inform his mom if he is planning to have sex that night with his wife, and many such weird things. I am really not sure if women consider their fathers in the same way, but if you have any such experience do share it with me in the comments. It’s disgusting to watch them like that and I always feel sick thinking about times I encountered them. What was your take on it? How do you handle it? Leave a comment below.
Final Thoughts
Narcissistic Personally Disorder is not just a mental illness. It’s an incurable disease that spread like wildfire and within no time you will start feeling hollow and soul-less. If you have experienced any of these above points and always considered it to be too futile or their unique trait, it's time to rethink. Try to connect the dots. Learn and make yourself aware of covert narc abuse, characteristics, and victimhood so you can save yourself from the painful clutches of these happiness vampires.
Don’t miss the New Publish.
